Little Steps

You can't change your dirt, but that doesn't mean you can't make meaningful changes in your life. But I think there are obstacles to change, not the least of which is our own lack of grace for ourselves. 

Many of the stories that I have heard over the years from folks who have tried to change in big and small ways are stories of how quickly they "failed." They started a new diet, but two weeks later, they were eating a bunch of cake and cookies again. They tried to quit smoking, but three days later, they were lighting up. They were breaking off bad relationships...except when that person finally sent one too many texts anyway and now, they're right back into it. 

The same is true for the good changes we try to make in our lives. We commit to reading the Bible, but time gets away from us, and we realize we missed a few days. We decide to start praying more, but a few days go by and we realize we haven't talked to God at all. We determine that now is the time we finally start a real exercise routine, but then we get sick, and by the time we recover, we've forgotten all about our new commitment. It's just not practical. 

The problem we face is not the we failed, even though that's how we say it. The problem is that we've given up on ourselves too soon.

I used to be one of these folks. I used to be the kind of person who started with all kinds of gusto, but after a few days and a minor failure, I was ready to give up. Throw in the towel. Quit. Accept that I'm just not capable of being a better human being. 

But...I've matured since then. I've grown. And I've learned about growing. 

If you want to truly make changes in your life, you have to do it in little steps, not big ones. If you want to have success at changing something, you have to celebrate your successes, even when they aren't 100% triumphs. 

Here's what I mean: 

If you're trying to eat better and after a couple of weeks, you have a piece of cake and a couple of cookies and you're mad at yourself (by the way - you shouldn't be; cake and cookies can be part of a good diet, in moderation), then you don't just quit. Instead, you say, "Wow! I made good diet decisions for 13 days in a row. My previous record was 2! Now, let's see if I can do 20 days." If you're trying to quit smoking and after three days, you light one up, celebrate three days of not smoking. Then, commit yourself to making it four days. 

The same is true of those good changes, too. If you want to start exercising or reading the Bible or praying more and you do these things for four or five days in a row and then get off track, celebrate that you made it four or five days living the kind of life you were wanting to live. Then, commit yourself to doing it for a little bit longer next time. 

I know it's cliche to say it, but it's true - it does get easier, if you don't let yourself get discouraged. 

We tend to look at change as all or nothing, but change is a big thing done in a very small way. Sometimes in a thousand small ways. Sometimes in a thousand small ways over a million different attempts. But the key to change is not wholesale never or always doing something; it's about doing it more and more or less and less until it becomes the new pattern of your life. And having grace for yourself - and your dirt - along the way. 

Which is definitely the hardest part.