My Portion

There are some days I feel like I need more of Jesus. Can I get an Amen?  

There are some days I feel like I'm messing up, falling down, worn out, dragged around, faith-thin, and I just need more of Jesus. There are other days when I'm on top of my game, feeling good, doing well, and just a little dab'll do me. 

There are days when I look at the persons around me, in real life and on social media, and I think I'm probably not as good of a person as them. I think there's something fundamentally wrong with me; I can almost feel it in my bones, just looking in the mirror of the world that shows me everything but myself. On those days, I feel like I need a little more Jesus. There are other days I look at the folks around me and think, you know what? I'm doing okay. Comparatively. They probably need more Jesus than I do. 

There are days I want my portion of this bread and my cup of this juice to be super-sized. There are other days this little bit of cracker and this sip of juice is just fine. 

Some days, I wonder if anyone would notice if I snuck 2 portions. 

Sometimes, I think about the disciples. I wonder if Jesus gave everyone in the Upper Room the same portion of the bread as He broke it or if He gave little bit more to one than the other, portioning it out exactly for who needed it and just how much. Peter, on the eve of his betrayal, might have gotten a little more, wondering why Jesus would give him a bigger piece. Wasn't he the best disciple? Why would he need a bigger piece of grace? 

John probably needed a little bit less. After all, he knew he was - and declared himself to be - the "disciple that Jesus loved" (as if Jesus didn't love the other 11 just as much). Andrew wasn't very good at math, so it would seem, so maybe he wouldn't have noticed. But Judas Iscariot was always doing the accounting. He definitely would have noticed. 

So that piece Jesus was dipping into the oil at the moment he said, "It is the one to whom I give this piece of bread," you know Judas was sizing that one up. A big portion for the betrayer? A little one? More oil than bread?

Who knows?

I know. 

I know not because I was in the Upper Room that day (I wasn't). I know because I know Jesus. I know the dynamic of what was going on there. I know exactly how much every single person around that Table got that night. 

They got it all. 

That's the only measure in which Jesus ever gives Himself. All. Fully. Completely. 

On the days that I feel like I need a little more, He gives it all. On the days that I feel like a little bit would be okay, He gives it all. When my pride convinces me I'm fine with a little portion, He gives it all. 

And that little portion? That little portion holds it all. 

Whenever you get Jesus, you get all of Him. Period. There is no other portion available.