Change

One of the most difficult things about changing your life is that others don't always seem to notice right away. Sometimes, they don't notice at all. And sometimes, even if they notice, they're not willing to let you do it. 

Like everyone, I have some folks in my life who have known me a long time. I have some folks who have known me a short time. And it seems like it's easy for all of these folks to form an opinion of who I am, what must be important to me, what my life must be like, etc. They will over-emphasize everything that confirms their opinion and completely ignore anything that doesn't.

They will never let me grow. Or change. Or heal. 

It can be really frustrating, especially if you are earnestly working to change your life in some way that is meaningful for you. You can invest yourself and put in the work and embrace the discipline and have success after success after success, a bunch of little wins that you know are adding up to something big. 

Then, you have a bad day. Then, you have a day that's not your best. Then, you have a moment that looks a little bit like your old life. 

I don't know how it happens, but those folks who aren't willing to let you grow or change or heal are always there for your not-best moments. And they always have an opinion on it. And they always feel like they have to speak that opinion. You mourn your mild setback, and they're right there to say, "Yeah, but that's just you. That's how you've always been." 

Thanks, bro. Thanks for not noticing the 17 little victories I've had between my "always been" and my "becoming."

It's frustrating. It's defeating. And...it's none of their business. 

This is the hardest one for me. I have these folks in my life (and I know who they are), and when they rear their ugly heads, there's something in me that wants to launch into an eloquent monologue, complete with graphs and bar charts and diagrams, and be like, "No, look. That's not who I always am. That's not who I am now. That's not the story of my life. Look at how my life is changing. Look at my discipline and my hard work and my little wins. They're adding up to something big." 

As heartbreaking as it is to tell you this, there are folks out there who just don't care. They're never gonna see it. It doesn't matter how good your PowerPoint presentation is or how high-res your graphics; they're not gonna get it. They have an impression of you, and they aren't here for your changes. 

Because...if you change, they have to. 

They can't relate to you the same way. They have to change their understanding not just of you, but of all kinds of dynamics and of the whole world sometimes. They have to consider possibilities that have been totally off their radar. It requires something of them to let you change. 

But that doesn't mean you can't. 

It means you go about your work quietly, the way you always intended to, and trust that one day, it will show for itself. It means you stop spending your energies trying to explain your new self because, friend, the more you try to explain who you are now, the more you look like the person you don't want to be any more. I've done it. Guilty as charged. More often than I want to admit. 

But you don't need anyone's permission to change, to grow, to heal. You don't need their affirmation to do it. If you're lucky, and most of us are, they'll come around eventually. Most persons do. After time, they'll see it. How could they not? 

Very few and far between, you'll have someone who just isn't willing, and you'll have to decide whether there's space for them in your new life or not. But overwhelmingly, they come around. Usually about the time that you stop trying to force them to come around. 

Go out there and grow. Change. Heal. Pursue the life that you want for yourself, and go out there and get it. Embrace the discipline. Take every opportunity. Celebrate every little win. Mourn the setbacks, but don't let them stop you. Do stop trying to explain yourself; it doesn't get you anywhere. 

But you're going somewhere. You've got this. 

All naysayers and narrow-visioned individuals aside.