Reuben

Which Bible character are you? 

When we're asked this question, we usually gravitate toward some of the big names. I'm Peter, because I'm a bit impulsive but I have good intentions. Or I'm Paul because God turned my life entirely around. I'm David, fighting giants and taking names. I'm Moses, thrust into a leadership position I didn't ask for but doing my best. I'm Jeremiah, His word shut up in my bones and burning right through me. I'm John, the one whom Jesus loves. 

Anybody but Judas. Am I right? 

It's not a question I've honestly thought much about. Until, that is, this past week or so when I was reading through Genesis and it hit me: 

I'm Reuben. 

Reuben was the oldest son of Jacob. Jacob married Leah, who he didn't really love, after a trick by Laban, and because she was unfavored, the Lord opened her womb and let her have a number of children for him. The first of those children was Reuben. 

In his one really grand and memorable scene, the one in which he plays the biggest role and we see the most of his personality, Reuben is in the fields with his brothers when Joseph, the most beloved of Jacob's children, shows up. Joseph has already been telling them about all these dreams he's had where he's the best and they're...not. So the brothers decide they're going to kill him, but Reuben steps in and says, maybe let's not kill him. Maybe let's just throw him in this empty cistern and let nature take its course. 

His plan was to come back later and pull Joseph out of the empty cistern and thus, save his life. In fact, he does come back to do just that, but the boy is gone.

The boy is gone because when Reuben turned his back, when he stepped away to start scheming his grand, graceful return, the other brothers sold Joseph to a caravan of traders heading for Egypt. By the time Reuben got to the cistern, it was simply too late. No amount of grace would bring Joseph back. 

I am Reuben. 

I am the kind of person who likes to scheme grace. I'm not really that great at confrontation, so sometimes, I'll just stand by because I'm not strong enough to stand up to you and win. But in my heart, I'm secretly planning that moment when I come back later and put everything back the way it's supposed to go. When I step in and fix things. When grace wins and you'll never know it was me. And I think I'm a good person while I'm planning all of this.  

But...like Reuben, I have found in my life that I am sometimes too late. That by the time I put my plan in motion to redeem the situation, it's too late. The moment has passed. The opportunity is gone. It's not possible any more. I stood by and I went along because I didn't feel strong enough to stand up to you, and now, it's too late because no amount of secret grace in all the world will fix this. It's over. It's done with. I missed it. 

I messed it up. 

Am I the only one? Of course not. After all, the Bible tells us there was Reuben long before there was ever me. And I am him. 

But do I have to be?