Sharing Your Goals

I'm currently, as the kids say, "doing a thing."

But you don't know what that thing is. 

Because I haven't shared it. 

There's something in my spirit that is reluctant to share some of the goals that I have, some of the projects that I'm working on, some of the "things" that I am "doing." I want to share them. They feel worthwhile to me, and meaningful in some way, shape, or form, or I wouldn't be attempting to undertake them. They are important to this season of my life. But something about sharing them feels...wrong. 

It feels weighty. It feels burdensome, as though sharing these goals or projects or "things" might somehow make them heavier to carry. 

At first, I thought that perhaps I was reluctant to share because I know my own history of failure. I know how life gets in the way of the best made plans. I know how the brokenness of this world so often steps in to interfere with even our best intentions and the things that are most meaningful to us. 

I have lived a broken enough life to understand that failure is always an option. Not because I might give up on myself (although, I have before and I might again). Not because I might not be disciplined enough (I might not be). Not because I might not be strong enough (my body is weaker than I like to pretend it is sometimes). All of these are options, even if I'm pretending they wouldn't be. The life I have lived has proven to me that they are. I can't deny or ignore that. 

But the other side of that reality is that I have failed in my life one fewer time than I have gotten back up and tried again. 

It's true. My life is a story of failures. Of falters. Of missed opportunities and times I've let myself (not to mention God and others) down. If you read through the story of my life, it's not perfect. It's not one victory after another after another. I have never been one to only accept challenges I know I can meet. 

Nobody grows that way. 

And my failures...a lot of them have been very public. They aren't secret. I don't think they have to be. 

So no, I'm not afraid of failure. I'm discouraged by it sometimes, but I'm not afraid of it. Because I know that my story is one of getting back up one more time, of trying again, of starting over, of learning a hard lesson, of moving on. Of growing. 

That can't be, then, why I'm hesitant to share some of my goals, my projects, my "things." 

But it didn't take me long to figure out what's really going on here....